Divinely Funny: 100+ Bible Puns That Will Have You Praising the Humor Gods!

Bible Puns

Are you ready to embark on a divine journey of laughter? Look no further because we've got over 100 Bible puns that will have you praising the pun gods. From Genesis to Revelation, these puns will transport you to a comedic paradise. So grab your sense of humor and get ready to part the sea of seriousness with these hilarious and pun-derful jokes. Whether you're a devout believer or just looking for some heavenly humor, these puns will surely make you exclaim, "Holy puns, Batman!" So sit back, relax, and let these puns guide you through the laughter-filled pages of the Bible. Get ready to have a pun-tastic time and let the divine laughter wash over you.

The Punniest Bible Puns

  • Why did Adam eat the forbidden Fruit? Because he didn't want to be the first man to turn over a new Leaf!
  • Why did Noah bring a Ladder on the ark? Because he wanted to make sure the animals could reach the top Deck!
  • How did Moses make his Coffee? Hebrews IT!
  • Why was the Math Book sad? Because it had too many problems, just like the Book of Numbers!
  • Why did the Tomato turn Red? Because it saw the Salad dressing, just like Eve saw the Apple!
  • What is a Shark's favorite Bible story? Jonah and the Whale!
  • Why did King Solomon always win at Poker? Because he always had the best pair of Kings!
  • Why did the Donkey go to Church? Because it was a "holy" ass!
  • What kind of Car did the disciples drive? A Honda, because in the book of Acts it says "they were all in One Accord!"
  • Why did the Fig tree Break Up with the apple tree? It couldn't "fruit"fully commit!

Funny Bible Puns with Tom Swifties

  • Samson couldn't find his hairbrush, he's really "splitting" hairs now.
  • The Bread at the Last Supper was "Crust-ing" for a miracle.
  • Noah knew he was in for a "Flood" of trouble when he saw the animals pair up.
  • Moses had a "staff" meeting with Pharaoh to discuss the plagues.
  • Jesus said, "Let there be light," and the electricians took it as a "Bright" idea.
  • When David defeated Goliath, he proved that "size" doesn't "matter."
  • Joseph had a "dreamy" job interpreting Pharaoh's dreams.
  • When Jesus turned Water into Wine, he really "bottled" up the Party.
  • The disciples knew Jesus was a Great teacher because his lessons were "heaven-sent."
  • Adam and Eve were the first Couple to "raise Cain" with their apple-Eating antics.

Historical Puns

  • Why did King Solomon have a great singing voice? Because he had a psalm-tastic range!
  • Why did the ancient Egyptians have trouble with math? Because they couldn't count on the Pharaohs!
  • Why did Noah take his sons on the ark? Because they needed a Little Father-son ship!
  • What did Moses say when he couldn't find his sandals? "It's a Sand-emic!"
  • Why did the ancient Greeks Love to gamble? Because they always bet on the Olympic gods!
  • Why did the ancient Romans build straight roads? So they could tell their chariots to "get straight to the point"!
  • Why did Julius Caesar bring a salad to the battlefield? Because he wanted to make a "Caesar's Salad"!
  • Why did the ancient Mesopotamians organize a marathon? Because they wanted to "Run the world"!
  • Why did King David hire a painter to decorate his palace? Because he wanted to "draw in the crowds"!
  • Why did the ancient Babylonians love to Dance? Because they always had the "hanging gardens" on their dance Floor!

Biblical Bants: 10 Literal Bible Puns

  • When the ark started to sink, Noah knew he was in deep water.
  • Did you hear about the infamous Gardener in the Bible? He was Adam-Ant about keeping his garden tidy.
  • Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the Cloud.
  • The best Tennis player in the Bible? It's got to be Joseph, because he served in Pharaoh's court.
  • Why was the Computer in the Book of Numbers so intelligent? It was Good at counting.
  • What's the most common type of car in the Bible? A Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
  • Why did the three wise men turn to stand-up Comedy? They wanted to make a "stable" living.
  • Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems, but it found solace in the Book of Numbers.
  • What did the Grape say when Jesus walked by? Nothing, it was wine at the Time.
  • When the Red Sea parted, everyone was amazed. It was quite a sight to "sea".

The Punniest Bible Puns

  • Did you hear about the guy who stole a Bible? He got caught red-handed, but he said he was just testing the waters, looking for the "Acts" of forgiveness.
  • Why did the Bible go to therapy? It had major "Revelations" about its "Genesis"al issues.
  • What do you call a Bible that went on a diet? A "Thinner Testament."
  • Why did the Bible feel guilty? It couldn't resist the temptation to read some "Romans" at Work.
  • What did the Bible say to the smartphone? "I've got the Good News, but you've got the best apps!"
  • Why did the Bible join a gym? It wanted to work on its "Muscle" memory.
  • What do you call a Bible that tells jokes? A "Pun" Testament!
  • Why did the Bible refuse to play cards? It heard they were "dealing with the Devil."
  • What did the Bible say to its friend who was always late? "You need to 'Exodus' your Bad timekeeping habits."
  • Why did the Bible start singing in the shower? It wanted to be "Hymnproved."

Biblical Paronomasia Puns

  • When Moses had a Headache, he took two tablets.
  • Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried in a cemetery? He's still Grave.
  • Why was the computer smarter than the other computers? It had a Pentium commandment.
  • What do you call the story of Jonah when it's told by rabbits? Hare-ly gospel.
  • Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  • What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? Ruthless.
  • Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck.
  • How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? Because he had a lot of patience.
  • What's the best way to get to paradise? Turn right and go straight.
  • How does Moses make his Tea? Hebrews it.

Funny Rhyming Puns about the Bible

  • Noah's Ark was quite a lark!
  • Moses parted the sea, what a sight to see!
  • Jesus turned water into wine, now that's divine!
  • Adam and Eve, the first to believe!
  • Jonah swallowed by a whale, quite the tale!
  • David defeated Goliath, with a Stone that hath!
  • Samson's strength was truly grand, with Hair so unplanned!
  • Joseph's coat of many colors, made him stand out from the others!
  • Mary and Joseph, a couple so blessed!
  • The Burning Bush, a fiery rush!

Funny Spoonerism Puns

  • Noah's Ark: A Boat full of gators instead of alligators full of boats.
  • Adam and Eve: Madam and Steve, the original couple with a twist.
  • Moses and the Burning Bush: Bosses and the burning tush, a fiery encounter.
  • David and Goliath: Gavid and Doliath, a tiny Hero takes on a giant.
  • Jonah and the Whale: Honah and the jail, a fishy tale.
  • The Last Supper: The past lupper, a meal that's been through time.
  • Samson and Delilah: Damson and Selilah, a hairy love story.
  • The Ten Commandments: The Pen Commandments, a divine Writing utensil.
  • Jesus Walks on Water: Weasus jalks on watter, a miracle with a funny twist.
  • The Tower of Babel: The Bowel of Tabel, a linguistic mix-up.

Bible Anagram Puns

  • Adam becomes Madam
  • Eve becomes Vee
  • Noah becomes A Hon
  • Moses becomes Seem Sow
  • Abraham becomes Harem Ab
  • David becomes Diva
  • Samson becomes Mossan
  • Delilah becomes Hidalal
  • Joseph becomes Posse J
  • Jesus becomes Juses

Situational Bible Puns

  • When Noah was asked to build the ark, he said, "I'll get right on Board with that."
  • After the miracle of the loaves and fishes, the disciples said, "That really takes the Cake."
  • When Moses parted the Red Sea, he told the Israelites, "Let's make waves."
  • When David defeated Goliath, he said, "I guess you could say it was a big Shot."
  • When Jonah was swallowed by the whale, he thought, "This is a whale of a tale."
  • When Jesus turned water into wine, he said, "This party is really going to be a splash."
  • When the walls of Jericho fell, the people said, "That really knocked us off our feet."
  • When Samson lost his strength, he said, "I'm really feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders."
  • When the prodigal son returned, he said, "I'm Back and ready to raise the roof."
  • When the burning bush spoke to Moses, it said, "This conversation is really heating up."