100+ Criminal And Comical: Prowl Through These Pun-ishing Crime Puns

Crime Puns

Are you ready to crack the case of boredom and unleash your inner detective? Look no further because we've got over 100 crime puns that will have you laughing in stitches. From "felonious fun" to "hilarious heists," these puns will take you on a thrilling comedic journey through the world of crime. So grab your magnifying glass and get ready to solve the mystery of uncontrollable laughter with these witty and clever jokes. Whether you're a seasoned sleuth or just a fan of all things criminal, these puns are sure to steal a smile from your face. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride as we dive into the world of crime puns. Remember, laughter is the best alibi!

Criminal Wordplay Puns

  • I'm Reading a Book about anti-Gravity. IT's impossible to put down.
  • The guy who stole a Calendar got twelve months.
  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  • I'm reading a book on the History of Glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
  • The roundest Knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference.
  • I used to play Piano by Ear, but now I use my hands.
  • I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
  • I'm Friends with 25 letters of the Alphabet. I don't know y.
  • I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Funny Crime Puns with Tom Swifties

  • He stole the calendar, but he got caught day after day. - "I guess he couldn't resist taking Time off."
  • The thief who stole a refrigerator was found chilling at Home. - "He really needed to cool off."
  • The pickpocket was caught Red-handed and was sentenced to jail. - "He couldn't pocket his actions."
  • The burglar who broke into the bakery was kneaded in custody. - "He didn't have the dough to escape."
  • The counterfeiter couldn't make a convincing argument in court. - "His story just didn't Ring true."
  • The robber who stole a calendar got twelve months of Bad luck. - "He should've known time would catch up with him."
  • The jewelry thief was caught after making a necklace out of himself. - "He couldn't keep his hands off his own Neck."
  • The thief who stole a mattress was caught Sleeping on the job. - "He really needed a Bed to lie on."
  • The bank robber couldn't keep his hands off the Money, but he couldn't bank on a successful escape. - "He was just withdrawing from reality."
  • The thief who stole a dictionary was sentenced to a long sentence. - "He didn't know the meaning of a light punishment."

Historical Crime Puns:

  • Why did the ancient Egyptian thief become a pharaoh? Because he wanted to reign supreme in "steal"!
  • How did the thief in ancient Rome get caught? He left his "colosseum" at the crime scene!
  • Why did the Pirate Captain have a successful heist in the 18th century? He always knew how to "plunder" his resources!
  • What did the medieval thief say after stealing from the king's treasury? "I'm a Royal "robber" now!"
  • Why did the outlaw in the Wild West always carry a harmonica? He wanted to "harmonyze" his crimes!
  • Why did the infamous pirate always get away with his crimes? He had a "captain's Hook" on the justice system!
  • How did the ancient Greek thief manage to steal Zeus' thunderbolt? He had a "shocking" plan!
  • Why was the pickpocket in the Renaissance a master of disguise? He could "canvas" the crowd without being noticed!
  • What did the thief in ancient China say when he sold stolen goods? "I'm making a "dynasty" out of this!"
  • Why did the criminal in the Middle Ages become a blacksmith? He knew how to "forge" his own destiny!

Felony Fun: Crime Puns

  • Why did the Scarecrow become a Detective? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  • What do you call a stolen calendar? A Date with destiny!
  • Why did the bicycle thief go to jail? He couldn't handle the consequences!
  • Why did the burglar take a Bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!
  • Why did the criminal become an artist? He wanted to draw some attention!
  • What do you call a group of musical robbers? A Band of thieves!
  • Why was the Math book arrested? It had too many problems!
  • What did the detective say to the suspect who stole his Coffee? "You better spill the beans!"
  • Why did the thief take up gardening? He wanted to become a master at stealing stems!
  • Why did the police officer bring a Ladder to the crime scene? Because he heard the suspect was up to no Good!

Crime Puns: Double Entendre Puns

  • Why did the burglar take up gardening? He wanted to plant some "felon-seeds."
  • I tried to catch some Fog, but I mist.
  • Why did the detective take up Yoga? He wanted to "solve the case" of the missing inner peace.
  • Did you hear about the criminal who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
  • Why did the thief take a bath? He wanted to make a clean "getaway."
  • What do you call a sleeping thief? A "robber-dosser."
  • Why did the criminal break into the bakery? He needed some "dough."
  • Why did the bank robber become a baker? He wanted to "knead" the money.
  • What did the detective say to his suspect during the interrogation? "You're under a vest!"
  • Why did the burglar become a lawyer? He wanted to "case" the joint.

Punny Crime Puns

  • Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he kneaded some dough!
  • The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. They couldn't resist the year-long punishment!
  • Did you hear about the criminal who stole a ladder? He was trying to reach new heights in his career!
  • I caught the person who stole my mood ring. I'm feeling quite relieved now!
  • The pickpocket was eager to make a quick getaway, but he ended up getting caught red-handed. He really didn't have the right touch!
  • Why did the detective take up gardening? He wanted to solve the case of the missing plants!
  • The bank robber's getaway Car broke down, and he had to make a Run for it. It was a real drive-thru disaster!
  • The criminal who stole a shipment of calendars got twelve months of hard time. Talk about a year-long sentence!
  • The thief who stole a Mirror was caught because he couldn't reflect on his actions. He didn't see that coming!
  • Why did the burglar break into the music store? He wanted to steal some notes and make a criminal record!

Criminal Rhyming Puns

  • I told a good joke about theft, but it got stolen!
  • When the burglar broke into the bakery, he took the dough and made a run for it.
  • The detective knew he had a good lead, but it turned out to be a pencil.
  • The thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
  • When the thief jumped into the Water, he got a light sentence - he was charged with battery.
  • He couldn't Work at the bakery because he was a Loaf-offender.
  • The criminal's Belt was a waist of time in prison.
  • When the criminal broke his Leg, he became a con-artist.
  • The burglar dressed as a scarecrow, but he was outstanding in his field.
  • The thief who stole a mattress was caught, and now he's serving time behind bars.

Spinning Crime Puns

  • Snitch in time saves crime
  • Burglarly is a tough Cookie
  • Felonious monk on the run
  • Robbing hood in the neighborhood
  • Thug life becomes hug life
  • Cell phone theft becomes fell phone theft
  • Breaking and baking instead of breaking and entering
  • Bloody murder becomes muddy blurder
  • Grand theft auto turns into Brand heft auto
  • Criminal record becomes minimal rickcord

Funny Crime Anagram Puns

  • Never trust an alarm thief - he's a real "harm snatcher".
  • A Clever criminal who loves to bake is known as the "Pastry bandit".
  • Watch out for the sneaky thief who's a "master in tricks".
  • When the detective solved the case, he exclaimed, "I cracked it!"
  • The pickpocket who stole from a Magician was known as the "loot trickster".
  • Be careful of the criminal who disguises as a Doctor - he's a "medic stealer".
  • The thief who only steals from cows is a "Moo robber".
  • When the burglar broke into the bakery, the police called him a "Doughnut intruder".
  • Don't mess with a criminal who's an expert in disguise - he's a "Costume artist".
  • The con artist who specializes in stealing socks is a "stockings crook".

Funny Situational Crime Puns

  • Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He kneaded some dough.
  • I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough, so I turned to a life of crime. Now I'm Rolling in it.
  • Why did the skeleton go to jail? Because he couldn't keep his bones in check.
  • Why did the detective take up gardening? He wanted to solve a plant theft case.
  • Why did the thief take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  • Why did the pickpocket become a Chef? He wanted to steal hearts with his cooking.
  • Why did the bank robber open a bakery? He wanted to make some dough on the side.
  • Why did the police officer become a baker? He wanted to catch a croissant.
  • Why did the burglar become an artist? He wanted to make a living by stealing the spotlight.
  • Why did the criminal become a musician? He wanted to break the Law of harmony.