100+ Lawless Laughs: Get Your Fill of Criminal Puns Galore!

Are you ready to add some criminal mischief to your daily conversations or spice up your next game night? Look no further because we've compiled over 100 criminal puns that will have you serving time for uncontrollable laughter. From felonious fun to unlawful wit, these puns will take you on a wild ride through the world of criminal humor. So buckle up and get ready to engage in some feloniously funny jokes that will steal the show at any gathering. Whether you're a law-abiding citizen or a rebellious jokester, these puns will definitely make you the life of the party. So sit back, relax, and prepare to enter the world of criminal puns where laughter is the only sentence you'll be serving!

The Punny Criminals

Why did the burglar break into the Bakery? Because he kneaded some Dough!
Why was the Math Book arrested? IT had too many problems!
What do you call a criminal who steals signs? A street crook!
Why did the thief become a Baker? He wanted to make some dough on the side!
Why did the Scarecrow become a Detective? He was outstanding in his field!
Why did the criminal go to Art School? He wanted to brush up on his skills!
What do you call a criminal who steals Cheese? A Swiss thief!
Why did the thief become a Gardener? He wanted to make a Clean getaway!
Why did the criminal become a Chef? He liked to whisk away evidence!
What do you call a criminal who steals calendars? A Date thief!

Hilarious Criminal Puns - Tom Swifties Style

He stole the Calendar because he wanted to take a few dates.
"I've been caught Red-handed," Tom said burglarly.
"I'll be Cell-Fish and keep all the donuts for myself," said the Police officer.
"I'm innocent, I didn't steal anything," Tom claimed con-vincingly.
"I'm breaking out of prison tonight," Tom whispered con-fidentially.
"I'm going to rob a bank," Tom said hold-uppingly.
"I guess I'm going to be behind bars for a while," said Tom con-secutively.
"I stole the bakery's Bread, but it's a Loaf story," Tom said half-bakedly.
"I'm going to steal your Heart," Tom said Love-robberly.
"I'm going to commit the perfect Crime," said the thief stealth-ily.

Historical Puns

Why did the criminal break into the bakery during the French Revolution? He kneaded the dough!
What did the criminal say when he was caught stealing from the ancient Roman marketplace? "I was just following Caesar's orders!"
Why did the criminal hide in a pyramid? He thought it was a tomb with a view!
How did the criminal feel after stealing from the Medieval Castle? He was drawn to the art of thievery!
What did the criminal use to escape from the ancient Greek prison? A Trojan Horse!
Why did the criminal refuse to surrender during the Viking raid? He had a Norse attitude!
What did the criminal say when he was caught stealing from the ancient Chinese marketplace? "I couldn't resist – it was dynastic!"
How did the criminal feel after robbing a pharaoh's tomb? He was Walking like an Egyptian!
Why did the criminal target the Knight's armor shop? He wanted to make a medieval Fashion statement!
What did the criminal say when he was caught stealing from the ancient Mayan temple? "I thought it was an offering to the gods!"

Caught in the Act: Criminal Puns

When the Lawyer was accused of being a thief, he said, "I object!"
The criminal's favorite Dog breed? A bloodhound.
Why was the detective always calm? He had a lot of inner peace.
When the bank robber was caught, he lost interest.
Why did the burglar take a Shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
The tailor was arrested for Sewing up a murder case.
The thief who stole a Vacuum cleaner has made a clean escape.
Why did the burglar take a Ladder to the Bar? He heard the drinks were on the House.

Double Trouble: Criminal Puns

I told my Friend I got arrested for stealing a calendar. He said, "What's the sentence?" I said, "It's okay, it's just a date."
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He kneaded the dough.
The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
The scarecrow won an award because he was outstanding in his field.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
The lawyer backed into a Fan and got a brief case.
The convict told his wife he was going to break out of prison, but she said, "You Can't just take my breath away."
I'm Reading a book on the History of Glue. I just can't seem to put it down.
The Magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

Criminal Puns That Will Steal Your Laughter

Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got 12 months!
Why don't criminals play hide and seek? Because Good players are always behind bars!
What do you call a fake Noodle? An impasta - just like a fake criminal!
Why did the burglar take a Bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!
What do you call a group of Musical criminals? A Band of felons!
Why did the thief take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!
What do you call a criminal who cooks? A Cereal killer!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? He kneaded the dough!
What do you get when you cross a Snowman and a Vampire? Frostbite - the coldest criminal!
Why did the burglar take a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!

Rhyming Puns: Criminal Edition

If you steal from a bakery, you'll knead to Face the dough.
The criminal jumped off a Bridge, but he didn't make a splash. He was in a lot of Hot Water.
When the burglar tripped and fell, he decided it was Time to make a clean getaway.
The thief who stole a ladder got caught because it was a step in the wrong direction.
The pickpocket who stole a Watch had too much time on his hands.
The thief who stole a vacuum cleaner got sucked into a life of crime.
The criminal couldn't find his flashlight in the Dark, so he was charged with Battery.
The bank robber couldn't decide whether to take the Stairs or the Elevator. He was caught between a vault and a hard place.
The thief who stole a suitcase full of books was booked for a novel crime.

Funny Spoonerism Puns - Criminal Edition

A thief who steals Candy bars is just a Snack crook.
The criminal who broke into the bakery was caught loaf-handed.
The detective caught the robber red-headed instead of red-handed.
The pickpocket got caught, and now he's serving time in the jail of his own pocket.
The burglar entered the wrong house and stole the neighbor's Cat burgundy instead.
The counterfeit Money maker was caught, and now he's making real money in prison.
The criminal tried to rob the bank, but he ended up making a withdrawal instead.
The lawyer defended the criminal, but he was guilty of a neckless crime.
The criminal tried to escape, but he was caught and is now serving time in the slammer jammer.

Felony Fun: Criminal Anagram Puns

A con Artist is a "rancid stoat."
If you steal a policeman's Hat, you become a "pompous thievery."
A pickpocket is a "pocky tip."
When a thief stole a calendar, he got "red hot felon."
A burglar who loves Seafood is a "grabbed Lobster."
A criminal who loves to Dance is a "criminal dancer."
A bank robber who loves Caffeine is a "Bean crook."
A shoplifter who hates vegetables is a "Veggie loather."
A jewel thief who loves puzzles is a "tawdry jigsaw."
A Computer hacker who loves Gardening is a "Green Thumb hacker."

Criminal Situational Puns

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. Now I'm a con artist.
The robber who stole a calendar got twelve months.
The broken elevator was a crime scene – it was wrong on so many levels.
The lawyer's pants had a brief case.
The thief who stole a lamp was delighted with his Light sentence.
The pickpocket was an expert at sleight of Hand – he could steal your watch and you wouldn't even know the time.
The criminal's Best Friend was his alibi – they always had each other's Back.
The detective couldn't identify the thief in the bakery because he made a lot of dough.
When the graffiti artist was caught, he couldn't draw any conclusions.
The thief who stole a Box of detergent is now on the clean getaway.