Splitting Sides: 100+ Divorce Puns to Break Up Your Day with Laughter

Divorce Puns

Are you ready to split your sides with laughter? Look no further because we've got over 100 divorce puns that will have you rolling on the floor with hilarity. From breaking up to signing the papers, these puns will take you on a comedic journey through the world of divorce. So get ready to divorce yourself from boredom and embrace the lighter side of separation with these clever and witty jokes. Whether you're going through a divorce or simply enjoy a good pun, these jokes will definitely tickle your funny bone. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your way through the ups and downs of divorce puns. It's time to spice up your sense of humor and say "I do" to a collection of puns that will leave you in stitches.

Best Wordplay Puns: Divorce Edition

  • Why did the Math teacher get divorced? Because he couldn't divide his attention.
  • Did you hear about the divorce between the baker and the Pastry Chef? IT was a real recipe for disaster.
  • My ex-wife and I got into a heated argument about Laundry. We just couldn't separate our dirty laundry.
  • Why did the divorce lawyer go broke? Because he couldn't find a case to settle.
  • What do you call two birds going through a divorce? A Legal separation of "tweet"hearts.
  • Why did the archaeologist and the historian get a divorce? They just couldn't dig up their past.
  • My ex-husband and I couldn't agree on anything, not even punctuation. We were just too comma-tose.
  • Why did the Grape and the raisin get a divorce? They realized they were just in a dried-up Relationship.
  • What did the divorced Avocado say? "Guacward!"
  • Why did the divorced Couple refuse to play cards together? They didn't want to deal with a full House anymore.

Divorce Puns - Humor with Tom Swifties

  • My ex-wife accused me of being emotionally distant. "I guess I'll always be a man of few words," I replied curtly.
  • After the divorce, my ex-husband said, "I'm feeling a bit deflated." I told him, "Well, maybe you should stop blowing things out of proportion."
  • My friend asked how I was coping with my recent divorce. I replied, "I'm trying to stay positive, but it's been a real split decision."
  • When I asked my lawyer about the cost of the divorce proceedings, he said, "It's going to be quite an alimony."
  • My ex-wife said she wanted to divide everything equally. I said, "Sure, that sounds Fair. Let's start with the debts."
  • My ex-husband asked if he could keep the Wedding Band. I replied, "Sure, as long as you promise not to give it another Engagement."
  • During the divorce mediation, my ex-wife said, "I want the house, the Car, and the Dog!" I jokingly responded, "Well, at least I'll still have my sense of humor."
  • My friend asked why I was so calm after my divorce. I said, "I guess you could say I've finally found my inner peace... of Paper."
  • When my ex-husband complained about losing half of his assets, I told him, "Look on the bright side - at least you're not losing half of your personality."
  • After my divorce, my Friends asked if I wanted to go out and have a Good Time. I replied, "Nah, I'm more into ex-files and chill."

Historical Puns

  • Why did Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon get divorced? Because their Love was on shaky ground, just like the Tower of Pisa!
  • Marie Antoinette's Marriage didn't Work out because she couldn't resist saying "Let them eat Cake" instead of "I do."
  • Julius Caesar divorced his wife because she couldn't keep her eyes off Mark Antony's "Roman-tic" gestures.
  • Cleopatra and Mark Antony's marriage went downhill when she found out he had a "Pyramid" scheme with another woman.
  • Joan of Arc divorced her husband because he couldn't handle her "fiery" personality.
  • George Washington divorced his first wife because she couldn't tell a lie, but he preferred someone who could "cherry tree-t" him better.
  • Napoleon divorced Josephine because she couldn't "measure up" to his expectations.
  • Queen Elizabeth I's marriage didn't last because she wanted a man who could "globe-trot" with her.
  • The divorce between Alexander the Great and Roxana was inevitable because their relationship was always "under siege."
  • King Arthur and Guinevere's marriage ended when she realized he was more interested in "knights out" than nights in with her.

Funny Literal Puns about Divorce

  • Why did the marriage counselor become a baker? Because he wanted to help Couples "un-knot" their problems!
  • What do you call it when a divorce lawyer goes Fishing? Dissolving a marriage in the Sea of love!
  • Why did the divorced couple become beekeepers? They wanted to "un-Bee-lieve" their past!
  • Why did the divorced couple start a gardening Business? They wanted to "un-root" their problems!
  • Why did the divorced couple start a construction company? They wanted to "un-build" their marriage!
  • Why did the divorced couple become locksmiths? They wanted to "un-Lock" their hearts!
  • Why did the divorced couple become DJs? They wanted to "un-mix" their emotions!
  • Why did the divorced couple become skydivers? They wanted to "un-tether" their relationship!
  • Why did the divorced couple become magicians? They wanted to "un-Tie" their marital knots!
  • Why did the divorced couple become chefs? They wanted to "un-Spice" their love affair!

Double Trouble Divorce Puns

  • Marriage is like a Deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you're looking for a club and a spade.
  • Divorce is grand. It's like a wedding, but with cake and tears.
  • Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
  • My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
  • Divorce is the One time when "Till death do us part" becomes "Till Debt do us part."
  • I asked my ex-wife if she ever longed for me. She said, "Only when the dishwasher breaks."
  • Divorce is like Algebra. You look at your X and wonder Y.
  • My ex-wife and I went for counseling together. It was a joint session.
  • Why did the Scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, unlike my ex.
  • Divorce is the official termination of a mission to Mars. It's called the "Red Planet Separation."

Divorce Puns

  • Why did the marriage go to court? It was accused of being a Bad case!
  • When the couple split up, they divided their assets into "his" and "hers" - or as they called it, "separating the joint ventures!"
  • What did the lawyer say to the newly divorced couple? "Don't worry, you're both free to go!"
  • Why did the couple decide to end their marriage after opening a bakery together? They realized they kneaded some time apart!
  • After the divorce, the ex-husband decided to start a gardening business. He said, "I'm finally free to sow my wild oats!"
  • Why did the divorcee start her own fashion line? She wanted to sew her oats and Dress for success!
  • What did the judge say to the divorced couple during their court Hearing? "I'm sorry, but it's time to split!"
  • Why did the divorced couple decide to become beekeepers? They heard that "hive" can heal all wounds!
  • What did the divorced chef say about his failed marriage? "It's time to spice things up and start a new recipe for love!"
  • When the divorce was finalized, the couple threw a Party and served "freedom Fries" to celebrate their independence!

Divorce Rhyming Puns

  • Split happens, it's just the way love unravels.
  • When they split, it was a real heartbreaker, no mistake!
  • He said, "I'll miss her a latte," but now he's just a decaf guy.
  • She took half of everything, including his heartstrings.
  • They used to be a perfect Match, but now they're just a mismatch.
  • He said, "She was the one, but now she's just the ex-Fun."
  • She's his ex-wife, but she'll always be his ex-strawberry in the shortcake of life.
  • She said, "I'll never Leaf you," but now she's gone with the Wind.
  • They used to be the dream team, now they're just a shattered scheme.
  • He thought they'd be forever, but now they're just separate endeavors.

Top 10 Spoonerism Divorce Puns

  • Lifting the wrong vow - "Wrong lifting the vow"
  • Splitting assets and spilling Tea - "Spitting essets and splitting sea"
  • Tying the wrong knot - "Wrong tying the not"
  • Parting ways and warting pays - "Warting pays and parting ways"
  • Breaking hearts and baking tarts - "Treaking barts and hearting breaks"
  • Untying the wrong bond - "Wrong untying the bond"
  • Signing the wrong decree - "Wrong signing the decree"
  • Unveiling the wrong truth - "Wrong unveiling the truth"
  • Splitting up and spitting out - "Spitting up and splitting out"
  • Shredding the wrong prenup - "Wrong shredding the prenup"

Divorce Puns that Will Split Your Sides

  • Desperate to Devastate
  • Ex Claimed
  • Adore Vices
  • Evil Sored
  • Trade Spine
  • Adios, Eve
  • Riot Spade
  • Over Aides
  • Voids Reap
  • Editor Saves

Top 10 Divorce Puns: Situational Puns

  • After their divorce, the ex-couple became good friends - they were finally free to "un-hitch" and "un-match".
  • When the judge finalized their divorce, he said, "It's time to split the assets, but remember, there's no need to "split" hairs!"
  • After the divorce, he decided to become a baker - he needed a "fresh start" and wanted to "rise" above the situation.
  • When their marriage ended, they realized they were both "free agents" in the Game of love - it was time to "re-draft" their future.
  • After their divorce, the couple decided to start a gardening business together - they were determined to "cultivate" a new relationship.
  • The ex-wife opened a bakery after the divorce - she wanted to prove that she could "dough" it all on her own.
  • When the couple got divorced, they agreed to split custody of their dog - they were determined to give their pup a "Fur-ever" Home.
  • After their divorce, the ex-husband decided to become a Travel photographer - he wanted to "capture" new memories without his ex.
  • When their marriage ended, they both realized they had to "un-Ring" the wedding bells and find their own paths in life.
  • After their divorce, they both decided to take up Yoga - they needed to "stretch" their boundaries and find inner peace.