100+ Hilarious and Knoteworthy Marriage Puns That Will Tie Your Humor Knots

Marriage Puns

Hey there, lovebirds and soon-to-be-weds! Are you ready to tie the knot with laughter? We've gathered over 100 marriage puns that will have you saying "I do" to uncontrollable giggles and chuckles. From bridal blunders to groom goofs, these puns will walk you down the aisle of humor and have you throwing the bouquet of laughter to all your friends. Whether you're a committed comedian or a pun-loving partner, these puns will definitely make your heart skip a beat with joy. So grab your sense of humor, pop open the champagne of comedy, and get ready to say "I pun" to a lifetime of hilarious marital wordplay. Let's toast to the union of love and laughter as we dive into the world of marriage puns!

Marriage Puns That Will Wed You to Laughter

  • I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. So, I decided to marry a breadwinner instead.
  • Marriage is like a Deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you'll wish you had a club and a spade.
  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  • My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my Foot down.
  • I asked my wife if I was the only One she's been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  • Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
  • My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
  • I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
  • Marriage is the main reason for Divorce.

Matrimony Mirth: 10 Hilarious Marriage Puns

  • “I'm Reading a Book on anti-Gravity,” Tom said, uplifted. “IT's impossible to put down, just like my wife's Wedding Ring!”
  • “I'm organizing the Spice rack,” Tom said blandly. “It’s important to keep things cuminated in a marriage!”
  • “I used to be a baker,” Tom said loafing around. “But I kneaded the dough for a successful marriage instead!”
  • “I accidentally swallowed some Food coloring,” Tom said with a colorful expression. “The Doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a Little inside, just like in marriage!”
  • “I'm not a big Fan of Velcro,” Tom said offhandedly. “It's a total rip-off, just like my ex-wife in the divorce settlement!”
  • “I'm studying to become a doctor,” Tom said feverishly. “I want to understand the Anatomy of a joke, just like the anatomy of a marriage!”
  • “I've been learning Sign language,” Tom said quietly. “It's become quite handy for communication, especially when my wife gives me the silent treatment!”
  • “I'm Writing a book about reverse psychology,” Tom said negatively. “But please, don't read it, just like my wife never reads my Love letters anymore!”
  • “I'm trying to learn how to juggle,” Tom said with a toss. “It's a balancing act, just like keeping the romance alive in a marriage!”
  • “I'm thinking about becoming a baker,” Tom said with a crumb of confidence. “I want to rise to the occasion, just like I rose to the challenge of married life!”

Historical Puns

  • Why did Cleopatra never get married? She had too many asp-irations!
  • Marriage in ancient Greece was quite a marathon, but at least they had a Good Run!
  • Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian Couple who got divorced? It was a real pyramid scheme!
  • Marriage during the Renaissance was like a fine painting – full of brushstrokes and Happy little accidents!
  • Henry VIII was a terrible husband. He liked to have his Cake and behead it too!
  • Did you hear about the ancient Roman couple who got married in the colosseum? It was a real gladiator Match!
  • Why did the ancient Chinese couple get married on the Great Wall? They wanted a ceremony with a wall-to-wall crowd!
  • Marriage in ancient Egypt was a mummy's dream – they always felt wrapped up in love!
  • Why did the ancient Greek couple have such a successful marriage? They were always on the same Odyssey!
  • Did you hear about the medieval Knight who got married? He finally found his suit of amour!

Marriage Puns That Will Tie the Knot of Laughter

  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  • My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  • I used to play Piano by Ear, but now I use my hands.
  • Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
  • My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe...
  • The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
  • I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  • My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  • Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
  • My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe...

Double Entendre Puns: Marriage Edition

  • I proposed to my wife with a diamond ring because I wanted to make sure she couldn't say no. It's a "rock solid" decision!
  • My wife asked me if I thought she was getting old. I replied, "No, you're just becoming a "timeless" beauty!"
  • My wife always complains that I never listen to her. Or at least, I think that's what she said...
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts and a diamond, but eventually, you'll need a club and a spade!
  • My wife told me she wanted to spice up our marriage. So, I bought her a Chili pepper Costume. Now we're the "hottest" couple in town!
  • My wife said she wanted a fairytale wedding. So, I married her and then told her to start Cleaning like Cinderella!
  • My wife always says she wants a man who can make her laugh. So, I told her jokes until she married me. Now she can't escape my "punny" humor!
  • I asked my wife if she believed in love at first sight. She said, "No, but I do believe in love at first Bite!"
  • My wife asked me to describe her in three words. I said, "Beautiful, intelligent, and married!"
  • My wife always tells me that I'm a catch. I guess that's why she keeps throwing me Back into the dating pool!

Marriage Puns - Paronomasia Puns

  • Why did the groom bring a Ladder to the wedding? Because he wanted to take his Relationship to a higher level.
  • Why did the Bride always carry a Pen and Paper? Because she wanted to document every "I do" moment.
  • Why did the newlyweds go to the bakery after the wedding? Because they wanted to celebrate with lots of dough-nuts.
  • What did the engaged couple say to each other when they got Cold feet? "I guess we're just sole-mates with cold toes."
  • What did the bride say to her groom when he forgot the wedding rings? "Don't worry, we can still put a Band-aid on it."
  • Why did the bride refuse to Dance at the wedding? Because she didn't want to step on her husband's toes.
  • What did the groom say when asked why he chose a small wedding venue? "I wanted to keep it intimate, because love is all about quality, knot quantity."
  • Why did the bride and groom go to the gym the day after their wedding? Because they wanted to Work on their "marital arts."
  • What did the bride say when asked why she chose a Mermaid-style wedding gown? "I wanted to make a splash on my big day."
  • Why did the bride and groom have a garden-themed wedding? Because they wanted their love to Bloom forever.

Funny Rhyming Puns

  • I asked my wife if she wanted to renew our vows, but she said she'd rather "knot".
  • My wife said I should stop telling marriage jokes, but I just couldn't resist "tying" the knot.
  • Marriage can be tough, but it's all worth it for that "hug and wife".
  • My wife thinks I'm obsessed with our wedding day. I guess you could say I'm "ring-obsessed".
  • My wife is the "Mrs." to my "Mr.", and together we make a perfect "pair".
  • My wife asked me if I wanted to dance and I said, "I'm Game, let's "waltz" into marriage."
  • I told my wife I was going to take her on a surprise Date, and she said, "I'm "game" for anything."
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards, you need a good "Heart" and a "diamond" sense of humor.
  • My wife and I are like two peas in a Pod, we're the "perfect match!"
  • My wife said our marriage is like a garden, we have to "grow" together.

Marriage Puns with a Twist - Spoonerism Puns

  • Instead of "I do," it's "Dye oo."
  • Marriage proposal becomes "Parrotage mroposal."
  • "Honey, I'm Home" turns into "Money, I'm hone."
  • "Till death do us part" becomes "Dill Teeth do rust."
  • Wedding cake turns into "Cedding wake."
  • Instead of "Honeymoon," it's "Moon honye."
  • "Wedding vows" becomes "Vedding wows."
  • Instead of "Bride and Groom," it's "Gride and Broom."
  • "Wedding ring" turns into "Redding Wing."
  • Instead of "Just married," it's "Must jairied."

Marriage Puns - Anagram Puns

  • Snag a groom = A smug Dragon
  • Wedded bliss = Blessed wide
  • Lovebirds = Bold rivers
  • Tying the knot = Hotting yet Ink
  • Happily ever after = Play Fair every help
  • Together forever = Regret toffee hoe
  • Soulmates = Amuse lost
  • Honeymoon = Moon honey
  • Vows exchanged = Hexed vengeful sow
  • Eternal love = Novel relate

Marriage Puns That Will Tye the Knot of Laughter

  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  • Why don't you ever see a bride smiling at her wedding? She's giving her cheeks a rest before the honeymoon.
  • My wife just found out I replaced our Bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.
  • My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  • Marriage is like a fine Wine. If you don't take care of it, it turns into vinegar.
  • My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.